April 22, 2012

This has been a relatively calm week.  Cassandra has had her moments of anger, fear and frustration.  She continues to see a counselor, and this kind and gentle approach has been very affective for her.  For my part, I continue to do my best to be a good listener.  It has also been very important for me to be very mindful of my own thoughts.  In order to counteract Cassandra’s fears, I must be clear and firm regarding my own thoughts and feelings. I am getting better at communicating what these thoughts and feelings are, and the result has been positive.

I have written many times in this blog on the importance of meditation and prayer.  This is a tremendous source of strength.  The mind of an abusive person is a mind filled with chaos and tumult.  In order to love such a person, it is very important to be able to step back from that world.  We can only do that by being mindful of our own thoughts and feelings.  It also allows us to listen much better when we realize that we are not the source of the tumult, we are just observers.  The chaos going through the mind of our loved one has very little, if anything, to do with us. 

Still, we are human.  I have learned to become very aware of my own negative emotions.  When Cassandra acts in a way that makes me angry, my anger is trying to warn me of danger.  I need to get away.  It is vital that I leave the house.  Then I can process what is happening and respond in a loving, forgiving and constructive way.  The stronger I am in my core, the easier this is to do.  It is a great challenge, but it can be done.  The result is that I become a better person, and that I also become more aware and more skillful in dealing with my partner’s destructive tendencies.

Another beautiful thing about this type of growth is that when we become more aware, we cannot go back to behaviour that is destructive to us.  I am not saying that we shouldn’t do it, I am saying that we cannot consciously choose destructive behaviour when we are aware.  Meditation and prayer bring us to these levels of awareness.  Holosync meditation has been very helpful to me in achieving these levels of awareness.  Here is a link to find out more about this product: 
http://www.centerpointe.com/?aid=373010

I close today with a quote from Napoleon Hill.  It applies to many areas of life, and it really makes sense to those of us who choose to love our spouses:

   

There are many things you cannot control, but you can control the only

things that really matter: your mind and your attitude. External forces have

very little to do with success. Those who program themselves for success

find a way to succeed even in the most difficult of circumstances. Solutions

to most problems come from one source and one source alone: yourself. Living

life to the fullest is a lot like shooting the rapids in a rubber raft. Once

you’ve made the commitment, it’s difficult to change your mind, turn around,

and paddle upstream to placid waters. But it’s the excitement and adventure

that make it all worthwhile. If you never make the attempt, you may never

know the depths of despair, but neither will you experience the exhilaration

            of success