Sunday 29 July 2012

The Eagle


July 29, 2012

I have not written my blog for almost two months.  I still continue to write, however.  Writing is so powerful and so healing.   Cassandra’s depression returned in late May.  Life with her has again become a great challenge.

At this moment, I am away from home working in a beautiful Christian summer camp.  I love my work here, and I love this place.  On Friday, after the campers went home, I took out a kayak on my own.  I paddled on the calm waters of a huge lake.  I could see a town and cottages in a distance, but mostly I saw the vast power of nature.  I could see God’s hand at work and I could feel the immensity of his blessing.  I saw a beautiful bald eagle perched in a tree.  I stopped and just watched, and I was so thankful.  What blessings are showered upon me!  How many people in our fast paced modern world are able to silently embrace the beauty and power of our amazing world?

I have been away from Cassandra and my home for over two weeks now.  Cassandra rarely wants to talk on the phone.  She and our children are in my prayers, but I do enjoy the time away.  I’ve been doing this job for three years.  In the past, I felt restless without my family around.  Now I am aware that this is part of the healing process.  I embrace that fact, and I am happy.  I also realize that I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  I pray for Cassandra to choose to heal.  If she chooses not to, my life continues on.  Children are eventually drawn to the parent who is kind, loving and understanding.  I don’t have to fight for my children, I don’t have to compete with Cassandra for their attention, they know that I love and accept them and always welcome the time that we are able to spend together.  All will be well.

A few days before I left home, Cassandra was ranting.  I closed my eyes and simply listened.  I could see Cassandra hanging from a rope in a bombed out city.  Then she mentioned Lourdes, France.  When she was a child, a very kind teacher from her elementary school took Cassandra and another girl from her class to Lourdes.  I could see Cassandra walking into a clearing.  This was the one point in her life where she found peace.  Lourdes is a place renowned for healing.  I found a novena (a nine day series of prayers) to Our Lady of Lourdes.  I began praying it every night.  The day after I completed the novena, Cassandra told me that she would like to go to a counselor together again.  There are indeed forces much more powerful than ourselves working in the universe.  I am not sure what will come of this, but I know that all will be well.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  I hope to be able to write again next week.  May the blessings of the Lord be upon you.