This blog is to give hope to those who struggle in their marriages. It may at times seem like all is lost, but that is not true! There is tremendous hope, there is tremendous power. Where do you find this hope, this power? Inside of YOU!
I am married to a woman with an undisclosed mental illness. She suffered horrendous abuse from her father as a child. When we got married, I had no idea that this would bring havoc into our lives together. Cassandra told me that she had gone to counselling and had dealt with her issues, and I believed her. For a long time I thought I was the problem in our marriage because that is what Cassandra kept telling me. The amazing thing is that by working on myself, as Cassandra kept insisting that I do, I found a tremendous gift inside of me! Being in a challenging marriage is actually an amazing blessing. It is not easy, but it is amazing. I have written a book that tells my story. It is called, FINDING THE POWER WITHIN: THE BLESSINGS OF A CHALLENGING MARRIAGE. It will be out in a few months, and I will keep you posted.
What I have discovered since writing the book is that I am discovering new things and growing by leaps and bounds every day. That is the reason why I decided to start this blogg. I will be sharing what I learn each week.
What did I learn in the last few weeks? A great deal actually. I have watched a good friend's marriage begin to crumble. His wife is the best friend of my sister-in-law (Cassandra's sister), Jane. Jane was also abused by her father and now has little good to say about men. My friend Jim and his wife Sandra have three teenage daughters, all amazing people. Jim is a functioning alcoholic, and he has gone to AA for the last year. He is also a wonderful father. A few weeks ago Jim fell off the wagon and locked Sandra out of the house. What was interesting was that over the last year, as he grew as a person thanks to AA, Sandra grew more and more distant from him and closer to Jane. Sandra then began insisting on a divorce.
What really struck me that night, however, was Jane's reaction to Jim's actions. Sandra was over at my house, along with Jane. I was worried about Jim and said that I needed to talk to him. Jane looked at me with hate in her eyes and said, "What do you want to talk to HIM for?!" I will never forget that look, it was like the pictures of the 1994 genocidaires in Rwanda. I have never come face to face with something so frightening.
I have since given encouragement to Jim. His story is similar to mine. I know what he is going through, and I know that he needs to find his power within. He is finding it, and I know that he will be OK. He has returned to AA, and is looking for answers in the right places. I am praying that his marriage survives. Divorce would be so painful for their children, and the truth is, there really is no need for a divorce. What is needed more than anything else is forgiveness.
I have learned a great deal in working through my feelings regarding Jane. Every weekend, she leads the choir in church, just like her abusive father used to do. I was finding this very hard to watch. Instead of avoiding going to church, however, I prayed before I went. An amazing power came into me. I went to church and looked at Jane. I could see the hurting little girl behind the angry woman. I began praying for her. I said, "May God's grace and peace fill your soul." She seemed a bit flustered with me looking at her, but I was filled with such joy, such power, it was beautiful! I just knew it was right.
Since then, I have come across another prayer, and as I say it, I can feel God's power working. It goes like this: "My dear (say the person's name), I bless you with love and I release you to your highest good."
My marriage to Cassandra continues to be the greatest challenge of my life, but each day I am growing. The journey is amazing and beautiful. May you find peace and joy in your journey as well. I'll talk to you next week.
God bless you!
Christian Gottlieb
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