The Power of Forgiveness

May 27, 2012

 I came across a beautiful quote by Mahatma Gandhi this week, “The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”

How misunderstood forgiveness is in our world.  It is seen by many as giving in, as letting others take advantage of us.  This is not the case at all, for those who really forgive are people of tremendous power.

I really don’t know if I truly understood forgiveness until I read Left to Tell by Immaculée Ilibagiza.  I know that I have mentioned this before, but that is simply because it had such a tremendous impact on me.  Immaculée, a survivor of the Rwandan Genocide, was able to face the man who killed her mother and brother and who wanted to kill her, and say, “I forgive you.”  She thus took power over her circumstance and moved forward to be the person she was truly meant to be.

In forgiving Cassandra, I am able to let go of any hurt feelings, any resentment, any pain.  I am really able to follow the example of Jesus on the cross when he said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”  Cassandra really does not know what she is doing when she says hurtful things to me.  It is her pain that is talking, it is her inability to forgive, it is her depression.  It has very little to do with me.  Because she is unaware of why she is acting as she is, she really “does not know what she does.”  Of course I forgive her. 

I don’t know if I can put into words the transformation that took place in me after I read Immaculée’s book.  It was certainly a moment of empowerment.  I could not control what Cassandra said or did, but I could control my response to it.  Forgiveness released me from her pain and from her judgement.  I had certainly become strong.

I had always believed that good was more powerful than evil, but I didn’t understand how it could be since evil caused so much pain in the world that good seemed powerless to overcome.  Now I understood.  I did not need to seek vengeance against Cassandra.  I did not have to justify myself to her.  I simply needed to forgive, and forgiving has freed me to love more deeply.  It is almost like a parent’s attitude toward their child.  We accept, we forgive, we love and we move on to the next adventure in life.  Our children learn from the natural consequences of their actions, the experience of being loved and accepted, and grow to be the people that they are meant to be.  It is the same when we are forgiven by God for our transgressions.  Even if we make the same mistake over and over, we are forgiven over and over, and eventually we become the people we are meant to be. 

As a result of forgiveness, I have seen Cassandra begin to blossom.  There is a transformation taking place.  I cannot speak for her thoughts, I can only speak for my own.   I accept that things she has said and done have been hurtful.   I release that hurt and I forgive.  The hurt is gone, and I move forward in loving myself and in loving Cassandra and our children.  That is true strength.  Perhaps it is why Cassandra has chosen to change for the better.