Monday, May 21, 2012

First of all, my apologies to readers who looked for my blog yesterday.  That brings me to an important realization in living with a person who struggle with mental illness.  Sometimes it is necessary to drop what is important to me due to the needs of my partner.  I suppose this is normal in any relationship, but it is even more so in a case like mine.  Certain things seem to trigger Cassandra.  These include doing extra work for my job at home, sleeping when she is not sleeping, working on a computer, and being too busy to meet her needs.  I suspect that this has to do with being rejected or ignored as a child, but I cannot say for sure.  What is important is to know that it is part of my reality.

That brings me to an excellent quote that I came across this week.  Anthony Robbins states, "Identify your problems but give your power and energy to solutions.”

Cassandra has her struggles with depression, anger and anxiety.  She can be very reactive and her words can be harsh and cruel.  That is a fact.  What is more important, however, is the solution.  The solution in my case was to first become aware of my own goodness.  Thus I can see clearly which difficulties in our relationship are caused by me, and which are caused by Cassandra’s struggles.  This allowsme to see the truth and to come up with further solutions.  These solutions may be taking time to listen, putting down what I am doing to help Cassandra, supporting her goals, putting my wants aside, taking time for myself by meditating, exercising or learning, and simply growing in awareness as to the challenges of living with a person who struggles so greatly to make sense of the world.

These efforts are not without reward.  Through counselling, reading and reflection, Cassandra has begun to question her world view.  She asks questions that she never would have asked before.  Instead of asking, “Why did that person speak to me so disrespectfully?”   She is asking, “Why am I reacting to this person this way?  Did they really mean to be disrespectful, or am I reading too much into this?”  That is tremendous progress, and the thought of it gives me great joy.

Give power and energy to your solutions.  Have a wonderful week!

Christian