Looking Back

Have you ever asked yourself, “How did I get myself into this situation?”  I believe that it is important to take full responsibility for where we are in life, and to acknowledge who we are.  For me, I know that I am a “helper”.  I was raised in an upper middle class home, and I’ve always wanted to share the blessings that I was given with others.  I spent a number of years as a missionary, always trying to serve the least fortunate.  As a teacher, I am most effective with students who really struggle.  It’s not that I have a saviour complex, I just like doing that sort of thing, and I find it really rewarding.  I just accept people for who they are, and we have a wonderful time together.

It is not surprising that I had the same attitude when finding a spouse.  Cassandra was a single mother with two young children when I met her.  She was also very intelligent and extremely beautiful.  I remembered learning that before a person goes into a new relationship, they need to heal from the last one.  Cassandra was going through a divorce, but hadn’t been with her first husband for quite some time.  On our first date I asked her, “Have you healed from your marriage?”  She thought for a moment and said, “Yes, I have.  I have two beautiful boys from the relationship and I’m thankful for them.”  What she meant was, “I’ve put things in perspective.”  Because I really wanted to be in a relationship with Cassandra, I heard, “Yes, I’m healed.  I’m ready to be in a relationship with you.”  Later I found out that Cassandra had been abused as a child, and that her first husband was also abusive.  I should have taken a step back from the relationship at that time, but I chose not to.  That was my mistake, and I take full responsibility for it.  I’m not beating myself up over it, I did the best that I could with what I had to work with at that time.  I had the knowledge, but I lacked the wisdom.

It is said that God writes straight with crooked lines.  This time with Cassandra has been an amazing journey of self-discovery, especially the last two years.  Yes, Cassandra needs to finally heal, and I need to continue to move forward in life.  The solution may be for me to make a career change and work overseas.  The next few months will tell a great deal.  I am excited to see what happens.  Life is a beautiful adventure.  Take responsibility, and always be thankful.

Christian