Life is a beautiful thing. Each day I have the opportunity to learn more and more, and grow more and more in wisdom. I love reading good books and listening to inspiring people speak.
I have been reading SACRED MARRIAGE, by Gary Thomas. He asks the question, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” Basically what he means is that by loving another person unconditionally, by putting the needs of another person ahead of our own wants, as we are called to do by our marriage vows, we are challenged to grow spiritually. This growth naturally brings us tremendous peace, joy and indeed happiness.
Another of Thomas’s quotes states, “the institution of marriage is designed to force us to become reconcilers. That is the only way we’ll survive spiritually.” This brings me to a moment of enlightenment I had several months ago. I was reading LEFT TO TELL, by Immaculée Ilibagiza. This amazing woman survived the Rwandan genocide, hidden in a small bathroom with several other women. After the genocide she visited a prison and met the man who had killed her mother and one of her brothers, and who had wanted to kill her. She was able to look this man in the eye and say, “I forgive you.” It was the most powerful passage I have ever read, and I was strongly impacted. What I realized in that moment was the power of forgiveness. Immaculée was released from the pain of anger, hatred and the desire for vengeance. She is now a messenger of peace and reconciliation in our broken world, and a woman of great power and influence.
After reading this passage, I realized the power of forgiveness in my own marriage. I am able to forgive Cassandra for each tirade, for each insult. I know that what motivates her to speak this way is a deeply wounded spirit. I feel compassion and forgiveness. Cassandra does not seem to understand what is happening, but I realize that the ability to respond with love is great power. It would be so much easier for Cassandra to blame me for all of our problems if I responded by lashing back verbally, being unfaithful, etc. I know that I present a great challenge to her.
This past week Cassandra went to her counsellor and came back saying, “There is no need to go to counselling together. I want to separate.” What is interesting is my response. I see this as just another step toward our goal of going away together on a beautiful holiday. I know that may sound crazy, but I can see “the truth despite appearances.” I also know Cassandra. So often she has insisted on having things to bring her happiness. When she gets them, she is happy for a time, but the restlessness in her soul remains, and the anger and frustration soon return. If she does indeed move out, she will be happy for a time, but she will soon realize that while she has gotten away from me, she hasn’t gotten away from the source of her pain. That will be a very good realization. Like the father in the story of the prodigal son, I will always be here to welcome her back.
Some may read this and think that I am crazy. That is OK. I may be crazy, but I am definitely at peace. When I married Cassandra, I promised to be faithful, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. There is great joy in finding a way to keep one’s promise, and there is great peace in following through.
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