Successful people analyze the information
that they have and come to decisions quickly.
They also stick to their decisions regardless of what others say. In this way they are able to remain focused
on their goals and achieve them.
I wouldn’t say that I have come to a
decision quickly, but I have come to a decision. I am going to physically step out of my
current living situation with Cassandra.
In a counseling session with Cassandra on Tuesday, I am going to present
her with two options. I am at peace with
either choice she makes.
One will be that she honestly look at how
her past experiences of abuse in her life have impacted our marriage and begin
to move forward in the healing process with me. I would set up a separate apartment from
Cassandra in the basement of our home as we work together. I would maintain a healthy separation from
Cassandra, both physically and financially.
This will provide the least disruption to our lives and to the life of
our one child who is still living at home.
In preparation for this, I am doing a lot of reading to increase my
understanding and empathy toward Cassandra.
The memoir Daddy’s Girl by
Charlotte Vale Allen is very disturbing, but also very enlightening.
The other option would be that Cassandra
maintains her current position that the way she is treating me is acceptable
and that I am the root cause of the issues in our marriage. In this case, there will be a complete separation. We will put our house on the market and work
with a mediator to establish a legal separation agreement. For me, this decision would be
permanent. The pain of legal separation
would already be inflicted upon our child, and there would be no financial
motivation for me to reestablish ties with Cassandra. The investment of our house will be lost, and
the majority of our family debt will rest on my shoulders. I know that I will have no difficulty
recovering from this, and it will be much easier to do so without Cassandra’s
spending habits getting in the way.
I am really at peace with my decision. As I am a traditional Catholic, I just
finished a nine day series of prayers called a novena asking that Cassandra
choose the first option. If she does
not, I will know that I have done everything possible to help her to heal and
to heal our marriage. It is like God
saying to me, “You’ve done a good job.
Now I want you to move on and teach the world what you have learned from
this experience.” That is exactly what I
will do and I am looking forward to the journey. If Cassandra decides to heal, she will join
me in teaching these lessons; but, either way, they will be taught.
In our counseling session we will establish
how many weeks Cassandra has to reach her decision, and how the negotiating
process will proceed from there. I will
keep you posted on our progress and I am grateful for your prayers and support.
May God be with you!
Christian
Congratulations, this is a breakthrough for you. I admire the level of consciousness you bring to all this. I wish you good luck whatever the outcome will be.
ReplyDeleteI am just an outsider to this, but I would like to suggest you also look what (apart form Christian morality) still keeps you at your wife's side.
That is a very good question, and I really had to think about it. Other than my Faith, there are two things. One is the love of my children. It has been very important for me to be there for them. Now that they are older and can understand things better, it is easier to look at leaving. The other is the simple belief that people can change. I still do believe that, but I also know that change has to be a choice. I am not seeing that choice in Cassandra yet, and I know that I may never see it.
DeleteI have not regrets for having taken this journey with her. This experience has taught me a great deal about the power of the human spirit; the power of my spirit. That is very beautiful. I know that I have an amazing and abundant life ahead of me, with or without Cassandra.