Reasons to Stay

Since I began writing this blog, I have been asked several times why I stay in my marriage.  I ask myself the same question.  A few weeks ago, I came to the point where I was mentally and spiritually ready to move on.  I could see a very bright future for myself, and it is good to know that moving on is a very real and viable option for me. 

I did not decide to move on.  I decided to move forward with Cassandra.  Does this mean that I am weak?  Does it mean that I am actually afraid to move on?  I have given these questions careful consideration.  Several points of reflection come into play.

The first question is:  Do I believe that this relationship can be better?  The answer to this is yes.  The reason why I can answer yes is because I believe in miracles and I believe in the sacrament of marriage.  I honestly do believe that the shifts that have taken place in Cassandra and in our marriage are the result of prayer and Divine Intervention.  I also believe that this healing can and will continue.    I know that this may sound crazy to some readers, but it is something that I believe from the depths of my soul.

The second question is:  Do I like myself in this relationship?  Do I see myself becoming a better person?  The answer to this question is also yes.  Facing the challenge of my marriage has forced me to grow in ways that I never knew a person could grow.  We do not often choose our circumstances in life, but we do choose how we respond to them.  I had no idea that life with Cassandra would be so difficult.  She seemed so together when we were first dating.  It wasn’t until after we had a child that it became clear to me that something was not right and that I was indeed being abused.  I could have left and no one would have held it against me, but it did not feel right.  As I said a few weeks ago, I chose to become bigger than my problem.  I had to become bigger than the abuse, and I did.   I really like who I am and who I am becoming.

The third question is:  Is there any evidence that I am doing the right thing by staying?  The answer again is yes.  I look at my children and I see beautiful, kind, secure people.  My oldest child, from Cassandra’s first marriage, has his struggles.  I didn’t come into the picture until he was six, but enough people have told me that they see my influence in his life for me to know that it exists.  Cassandra’s second child was three when I came into the picture.  It is surprising how alike we are.  He is just the kindest, most accepting young man today.  Everyone feels comfortable and happy in his presence.  Our youngest, the child that Cassandra and I had together, is also a wonderful young person.  She is bright and hard-working, and again, people just like to be in her presence.  I see children of divorce every day in my work as a teacher.  I can see the pain in their eyes.  I know that sometimes divorce and separation are necessary for the well-being of one partner and the children, but that is not the case in my situation.

Every situation is unique.  This is why it is so necessary for those of us with difficult partners to take very good care of ourselves.  We need to be at peace with who we are so that we can hear the voice of God speaking in our hearts and make the right decisions.  For me Holosync meditation and my Christian Faith enable me to do this.  I am forever thankful.

May God be with you.

Christian