Mother’s Day, 2012

I have come across some powerful quotes this week which tie in with the way I am trying to live my life.  One of them stated: 

Resolve that every situation you encounter will make you better, stronger, wiser, more skillful, and more loving.

This is ultimately what life is all about.  We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond.  Not long ago, I came to a crossroads.  Would my marriage be over?  I knew that I was a good person and that I was being badly treated.  I could have packed up and moved on; but, at what cost?  I would have lost my family, and that was a cost I was unwilling to pay.  I would also have acted against my conscience, and again, that was a cost I was unwilling to pay.  I decided to face the situation, to be better, stronger, wiser, more skillful and more loving.  Now I begin every day resolved to be better than I was the day before.  I feel my life moving forward in amazing ways.

Another quote that I read stated:

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. ~Peter Drucker

This has been my most valuable skill in dealing with Cassandra.  I used to listen and hear only words.  When Cassandra was angry, I took her words as truth because they were stated with such conviction.  At some level I knew that what she said about me was not true, but I still allowed her words to penetrate.  Maybe I really did only care about money, about sex, about control, etc.

What is ironic and very beautiful is that one learns to communicate better by taking time to be silent.  Using meditation helped me to find the beautiful truth at my core.  This allowed me to listen better because I no longer had to defend myself from Cassandra’s angry words.  I knew the truth about me. I realize now that what is being said tells me a great deal about Cassandra.  She has unresolved issues about money, about sex and about control.  As I listen to her, I understand her better and better.

There are still times when I need to walk away from Cassandra briefly, and then get centered on the truth.  This happened most recently when Cassandra sank into a deep depression and raged out of control day after day.  I also needed, and still need, to get support from friends or a counselor at times.  All of that is OK; in fact it is really good because it keeps me moving forward in becoming a better person, and a better listener.

Amazing things happen when we listen.  Cassandra lives in a great deal of confusion.  Verbalizing helps her to make sense of the world.  The greatest blessing in recent months has been that she has begun to see a counselor herself.  She too is now being led on a path to understand herself better, to understand her feelings and reactions, to understand how her past affects her today.  All of this is very good.

To think that all of this, and so much more, could have been lost had I walked away.  When we face challenges with courage and persistence amazing things happen.  There is a power that moves us forward and moves us inward to discover THE amazing and beautiful TRUTH.