It has been a long time since I have written in this
blog. It is good to be writing again. I have experienced much growth in the last several
months, and I have realized some important things.
The most important thing I realized is that, though God
brings healing, even He cannot heal someone who does not want to be
healed. I have been praying for years
for Cassandra to heal. This has brought
me great growth, peace, enlightenment and joy.
It has not changed her, however.
She continues to be abusive, and is unable to see the problems that her
behaviour causes. The reason for this is
because she does not even have the courage to admit that she needs to be
healed. I can do nothing about
that. Even God can do nothing about
that.
Another thing that I realized is that abusive people do not
think like the rest of us. It is indeed
true that we become what we think about.
An abusive person, likely because of what they grew up believing, does
not understand many of the beautiful principles of life and ends up a prisoner
of their own terrifying thoughts. They
do not understand, for example, that people are kind because kindness is its
own reward, that it simply feels good to be kind, and though kind acts bring
good things to us, we never know when or where those rewards will arrive, nor
do we care. I realize that I have a
great deal to learn about the mind of an abuser. When I married her, I thought that Cassandra
saw the world the way that I do. Now I
see that this is the root of so many of our problems.
Finally, I realize that in order to follow God’s call in my
life I may have to leave Cassandra behind.
I have told her that she needs to get help or that I will move on. This is really the most loving thing that I
can do, both for her and for myself.
This may be the wake-up call she needs.
I know that I have a beautiful
and amazing future ahead of me. I can
even see my thesis for my Master’s Degree!
I can also see tremendous success for my writing. Life is so beautiful!
Speaking of writing, I read an excellent book a few days
ago. It is called The Emotionally Abusive Relationship by Beverly Engel. She really clarifies how and why
relationships can be abusive. My only criticism
would be that she does not discuss the fact that many of us enter abusive
relationships simply because we are nice people who want to help others. One counselor explained to me that many men,
for example, will enter a relationship with a hurting woman simply because we
want to be the knight in shining armour.
Little do we know the challenges that lie ahead. Beyond this one flaw, Engel’s book is amazing
and I would highly recommend it.
May 2013 be a year filled with much joy, love, peace and
happiness. I look forward to sharing
many reflections with you.
Christian
