tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46374813887903288692024-02-20T05:43:33.083-08:00The Blessings of a Challenging MarriageThis blog is to give hope to those who struggle in their marriages. The key is to tap into the power that exists in each of us. I am married to a woman with an undisclosed mental illness. This has been the greatest challenge, and also the greatest blessing of my life. This weekly blog is to share my on-going journey of discovery and truth.Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-78953757323859136802013-06-09T21:19:00.004-07:002013-06-09T21:19:51.058-07:00Giving Hope<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">I believe that it is good that I
continually ask myself why I am writing this blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not to demonize my wife in any
way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel great love and empathy for
her in her struggles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, she says
hurtful things and does hurtful things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I consider, however, that these things are a reflection of what is
going on inside of her and have little or nothing to do with me, her words and
actions are much easier to forgive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I
am the best person that I can be, constantly seeking greatness, she too will
learn to trust enough to blossom into the person she is meant to be, or she
will move on in her life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no
status qua.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We grow or we diminish.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">Two very powerful quotes come to mind as I
write this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA"><span> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">The first is from Eleanor Roosevelt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said, “No one can make you feel inferior
without your consent.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">This puzzled me when I first read it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was not yet able to put things into context
as I am now able to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember thinking,
“Sure, that’s easy to say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eleanor
Roosevelt did not live in my house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
she did, she would realize that other people have a lot of power in making us
feel inferior by the things they say to us.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">Now I understand the truth of this
statement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eleanor Roosevelt actually
grew up in a home much worse than the one that I married into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She knew the power of taking control of our
own thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After embarking on my own
journey of self-discovery, I embrace her words of beautiful truth.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">The other quote is from Gandhi.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He says, “The weak can never forgive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">Those who hold on to anger and resentment
destroy their lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By forgiving, we
take power over our lives and our situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We are free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are powerful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, this is a challenging but a beautiful
journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It leads to great joy,
regardless of our circumstance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love
Cassandra very much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can see the
difficult burden that she carries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can
hear how she is tormented by her own thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can also see how, by my forgiveness and love, she is able to
grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">I do not wish to tell anyone else what to
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know your own situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you or your children are in physical
danger, you can’t risk staying with your partner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have no children yet, you may simply
choose to leave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The best thing that you
can do, regardless of the situation, is to embrace the challenge you now face
as an opportunity for growth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My book tells
the story of my journey of self-discovery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is short and you can buy an electronic copy for under $3.00 (printed
copies cost a bit more).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My desire is
that this story gives you hope.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">Here is a link to order my book:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>http://www.friesenpress.com/bookstore/title/119734000005730268/Christian-Gottlieb-Finding-the-Power-Within%3A--The-Blessings-of-a-Challenging-Marriage/SEL000000</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">May God bless you!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-CA">Christian</span></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-5213889368907389292013-06-02T11:38:00.001-07:002013-06-02T11:38:30.547-07:00The Thoughts of Others<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those with personality disorders tend to blame others for
their thoughts, words and actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
can make it very difficult to listen to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Knowing that what a person says tells us more about them than it does
about us is very helpful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition,
what a person takes from what we say tells us more about them than it does about
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It used to drive me crazy that
Cassandra would distort my words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This short
interview with Miguel Ruiz, author of <u>The Four Agreements</u> brings this
out beautifully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After watching it, I
found it much easier to talk to Cassandra and maintain a clear boundary between
her thoughts and my thoughts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.finerminds.com/personal-growth/rise-above-negativity-others/">http://www.finerminds.com/personal-growth/rise-above-negativity-others/</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I also recently watched the following video series with Bill
Harris, founder of Centerpointe Research, which was very helpful in raising awareness
of my own thoughts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.centerpointe.com/cri/mastering-your-mind-and-your-life-video-1/">http://www.centerpointe.com/cri/mastering-your-mind-and-your-life-video-1/</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finally, the really exciting news for me is that my book has
been published!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It tells the story
behind the blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The electronic version
can be downloaded for under $3.00.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
hope that you enjoy it, and that it inspires you to greatness!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is the link:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.friesenpress.com/bookstore/title/119734000005730268/Christian-Gottlieb-Finding-the-Power-Within%3A--The-Blessings-of-a-Challenging-Marriage/SEL000000">http://www.friesenpress.com/bookstore/title/119734000005730268/Christian-Gottlieb-Finding-the-Power-Within%3A--The-Blessings-of-a-Challenging-Marriage/SEL000000</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have a wonderful week!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Christian</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-46701000826401811562013-05-20T15:29:00.001-07:002013-05-20T15:29:19.825-07:00Update<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I have not shared with my readers in a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sorry about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things with Cassandra have had their ups and
downs, but the downs have not been as deep and have been easier to get out
of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I attribute much of this to her
finding a vitamin supplement which really stabilizes her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is called Vemma.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am not saying that this is a magic formula.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I am saying is that when you stay positive
and focused on where you want to go, things do have a way of working out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am also pleased and amazed with my own
personal growth as I continue to face these challenges with a spirit of faith,
hope and love.</div>
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<br /></div>
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More good news is that my book is almost ready to be
published.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is the link: <a href="http://friesenpress-accounts.appspot.com/bookstore/title/119734000005730268">http://friesenpress-accounts.appspot.com/bookstore/title/119734000005730268</a></div>
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I will let you know when it becomes available. I know that my story will bring you much hope.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May God bless you and your family.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Christian</div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-48479794260585663962013-03-17T13:18:00.000-07:002013-03-17T13:18:10.666-07:00Hope<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
First of all, I am sorry that I haven’t written in here for
several weeks now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things have been
going relatively well with Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She is getting proper exercise, taking very good vitamin supplements,
and we have begun dialoguing using a very good Christian marriage program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are not completely out of the water yet, as Cassandra’s
biological family still has a very strong pull regarding her world view and her
views on men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have noticed that the
more time she spends talking to her sister, the more unhappy and angry she
is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more happy and at peace she is,
the less time she wants to spend talking to her sister and mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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I have no control over what Cassandra thinks or what
Cassandra does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I only have control over
what I think and do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Kim Gemmel says,
“<span style="color: #000040;">Although we may not have a choice with the cards
we are dealt at times, we always have a choice with how we play them.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is great power in this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have chosen to see my situation as an
opportunity for growth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #000040;">I have always done my best, but
I have not always done the right thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One thing that I know is right, however, has been letting go of the
hurtful things said to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nicky Gumbel
says, “When you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you take away their
power.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We don’t make them right, but we
do make ourselves free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We give
ourselves the gift of peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From there,
we can move forward and see more clearly the right path.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #000040;">With Cassandra, there are good
times and bad times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I have chosen
to stay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have chosen to try to work
things out with the mother of my children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have made this choice largely for the sake of my children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The result has been tremendous growth and
internal peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has taken a great
deal of work, as well as God’s grace, to achieve this growth, and it has been
beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that I am just
starting to tap into the incredible power that lies inside of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know, without a doubt, that a life of joy
and blessing lies before me.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #000040;">I pray that your path is the
same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember the words of Rhonda
Byrne, </span><span style="color: black; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"There is no such thing as a hopeless situation. Every single
circumstance of your life can change!"</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000040;">Christian</span><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-14543713249463241932013-02-17T15:18:00.000-08:002013-02-17T15:18:40.144-08:00Grace<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I came across this
quote:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Chances are that you'll
come face to face with hurting people today. Give them the benefit of the
doubt. Show them grace. ~Clayton King</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This says a lot about
Cassandra and people like her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are
simply hurting people who don’t know what to do with their hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing else would motivate a person to speak
in a cruel way toward others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It became
clear to me this week that one of the changes in attitude that allowed me to
re-connect with Cassandra was simply the growth in empathy from reading books
by and about people who survived child sexual abuse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One book in particular, <u>Daddy’s
Girl</u> by Charlotte Vale Allen, brought out the horror and confusion caused
to a girl growing up in a horribly abusive home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In reading this, I realized that Cassandra
grew up in a world completely different from my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s no wonder that she sees the world so
differently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I’ve written before, it
is a question of developing empathy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That said, it is also imperative
that we know ourselves and to evaluate our own respective situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each person who reads this must make their
own decision regarding their situation in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I just hope that reading this blog gives you valuable food for thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for joining me on this
journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really do find myself growing
in ways that I never knew that a person could grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By facing the challenge of my marriage, I
really am becoming a better person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
showing grace to others, we too become filled with grace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope and pray that your journey is also
filled with grace and tremendous personal growth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In solidarity and
prayer,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Christian</span></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-49615971559753475802013-02-10T13:24:00.000-08:002013-02-10T13:24:01.943-08:00Reasons to Stay
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Since I began writing this blog, I have been asked several
times why I stay in my marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ask
myself the same question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few weeks
ago, I came to the point where I was mentally and spiritually ready to move
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could see a very bright future for
myself, and it is good to know that moving on is a very real and viable option
for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did not decide to move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I decided to move forward with Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does this mean that I am weak?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does it mean that I am actually afraid to
move on?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have given these questions
careful consideration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Several points of
reflection come into play.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first question is:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do I believe that this relationship can be better?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The answer to this is yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reason why I can answer yes is because I
believe in miracles and I believe in the sacrament of marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I honestly do believe that the shifts that
have taken place in Cassandra and in our marriage are the result of prayer and
Divine Intervention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also believe that
this healing can and will continue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know that this may sound crazy to some readers, but it is something that I
believe from the depths of my soul.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The second question is:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do I like myself in this relationship?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do I see myself becoming a better person? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The answer to this question is also yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Facing the challenge of my marriage has
forced me to grow in ways that I never knew a person could grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We do not often choose our circumstances in
life, but we do choose how we respond to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had no idea that life with Cassandra would be so difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She seemed so together when we were first
dating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t until after we had a
child that it became clear to me that something was not right and that I was
indeed being abused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could have left
and no one would have held it against me, but it did not feel right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I said a few weeks ago, I chose to become
bigger than my problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to become
bigger than the abuse, and I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
really like who I am and who I am becoming.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The third question is:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Is there any evidence that I am doing the right thing by staying?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The answer again is yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I look at my children and I see beautiful,
kind, secure people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My oldest child,
from Cassandra’s first marriage, has his struggles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t come into the picture until he was
six, but enough people have told me that they see my influence in his life for
me to know that it exists.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cassandra’s
second child was three when I came into the picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is surprising how alike we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is just the kindest, most accepting young
man today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone feels comfortable
and happy in his presence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our youngest,
the child that Cassandra and I had together, is also a wonderful young person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is bright and hard-working, and again,
people just like to be in her presence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
see children of divorce every day in my work as a teacher.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can see the pain in their eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that sometimes divorce and separation
are necessary for the well-being of one partner and the children, but that is
not the case in my situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every situation is unique.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is why it is so necessary for those of us with difficult partners
to take very good care of ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
need to be at peace with who we are so that we can hear the voice of God
speaking in our hearts and make the right decisions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me Holosync meditation and my Christian
Faith enable me to do this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am forever
thankful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">May God be with you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christian<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-22640610339274131342013-02-04T00:41:00.003-08:002013-02-04T00:41:46.059-08:00Returning Home
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span class="Title1"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I returned
home this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was very
positive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though I did not receive an
admonition from Cassandra that she is abusive and needs to make changes, I did
receive a commitment to do better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will
things be perfect?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Likely there will be
struggles again, but, as Hunter Thompson says, “</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Who is happier:
he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on
shore and merely existed?" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span class="Title1"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I also came
to an important realization in myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
have no difficulty in life accepting the perspective of a person from a
different culture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can accept the
other person’s opinion as valid, even though I may not understand it or even
believe what they see as an absolute truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This ability made my life in Africa both fruitful and enjoyable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So why haven’t I been able to take the same
perspective with Cassandra?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was
raised in the same culture as I was, but her family and mine could not have
been more different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being brought up in
an abusive home, her belief systems are very different from mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why haven’t I simply been able to accept that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, by accepting that, I am able to have
a healthy detachment from Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
no longer take what she says personally, I am able to observe that this person
really sees the world in a way that is much different than my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m able to ask questions and to learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her words and accusations no longer have an
impact on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They simply represent a
world view quite different from my own.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span class="Title2"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">This ties in with a very valuable lesson from the
Napoleon Hill Foundation:</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">The mind is the most powerful weapon known to man.
It simply cannot be controlled or contained by an outside force, however
formidable that force may at first appear. Throughout history, tyrants have
tried to control those who opposed them, but eventually these rulers discovered
the power of the imagination was far greater than the threat of the sword. As
Victor Hugo said, “An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose
time has come.”</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">No
one else can control our thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
is our ultimate freedom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I close today with one final quote:</span></span></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #000040; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Although we may not
have a choice with the cards we are dealt at times, we always have a
choice with how we play them.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #000040; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Kim Gemmell<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #000040; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">May God bless you
abundantly this week.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #000040; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Christian</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-34779961772945340742013-01-27T12:32:00.001-08:002013-01-27T12:32:14.907-08:00Standing for my Principles<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-CA">I spoke this week about my current
situation with a friend who has known me for many years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I described to him what is happening and the
decision I had made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Either we look
seriously at Cassandra’s issues and how they are impacting our relationship and
begin to heal, or we end the relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My friend is a very insightful, deeply spiritual, aboriginal fellow, and
he said, “There is something very different about you now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have a different energy about you.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">I replied, “I’ve been able to detach from
Cassandra and the situation.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">He said, “No, it is not just
detachment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve established a
principle and are no longer going to compromise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have said, ‘This is as far as we go, and
no further.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is a really good
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is the way it has to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things cannot move forward in any other way.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-CA">My friend is right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have finally taken responsibility for my
family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no more
compromise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes you just have to
stand up to others and do the right thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When we do that, however, things always work out for the best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing that gives me tremendous peace.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">I look back to just over a year ago where I
really began to have problems with Cassandra and her family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wrote in this blog then about some friends
of ours who had a horrible conflict in their marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The father was struggling with alcohol and
went on a binge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He locked his wife and
daughters out of the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They came to
our house, and of course we welcomed them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Cassandra’s sister was also at our house and was breathing fire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The father is a good friend of mine, and
being as drunk as he was, his life was in danger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said, “I need to check on him and make sure
he’s OK.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">Cassandra’s sister turned
and glared at me in a way that I have never seen on a human face; it was quite
terrifying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said, “What do you need
to see HIM for?!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">I just replied, “It is just the right thing
to do.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">At that moment I really began to
awaken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began to follow my conscience
instead of doing what would please Cassandra and her family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any time we follow our conscience, it brings
peace and joy, as well as blessings which we cannot even imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when it makes us uncomfortable, it is
ALWAYS best to simply follow one’s conscience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">My friend and his wife are now legally
separated and filing for divorce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
wife continues to be best friends with Cassandra’s sister, and every time I see
her, she looks quite angry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps that
is my opinion, however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friend has
confronted his alcoholism, gotten the help he needed, and moved forward in
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is as if, after many years, he
has begun to discover again who he really is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Serendipitously, when I needed a place to stay as I left Cassandra, he
welcomed me into his home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA">And so my journey continues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am praying that Cassandra agrees to get
help and work with me in her recovery process; but, I am also prepared to move
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Prayer is an amazing thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if God’s answer <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to our requests is “no”, great things always
happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That simple confidence fills me
with peace, joy and an indescribable optimism.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">May God bless you.</span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">Christian </span>Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-71298745577132643702013-01-20T11:59:00.000-08:002013-01-20T11:59:02.405-08:00Empathy<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cassandra and I went to counseling this week and reached a
decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is temporary
separation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am staying with a friend,
and she is staying in the house with our child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I announced my decision, as outlined in last week’s blog, and I am
asking for Cassandra’s decision in three weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That will give her time to move through the emotions involved and to
make a clear choice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My greatest concern through all of this is our child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She could potentially lose the only home that
she remembers and the sanctuary of her beautiful room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have already begun the process of learning
to parent a child through separation and divorce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that I have always been and will
always be her kind and loving father, and that is beautiful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our other children are grown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are from Cassandra’s first marriage and
I adopted them both.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The oldest was six
when Cassandra and I started dating and eight when we married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was already badly abused by his biological
father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve done my best, but our
relationship is distant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is
unfortunately very typical, I have learned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can’t see our relationship changing unless Cassandra herself heals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our other child was three when Cassandra and
I started dating. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He and I are very
close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through all of this, I am
thankful for the difference that I have been able to make in his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a kind and wonderful young man, and he
inspires me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Despite the fact that I may no longer be with Cassandra, I
still feel empathy for what she has gone through in her life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was horribly abused by her father as a
child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I said last week, I am reading
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Daddy’s Girl</i> by Charlotte Vale
Allen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is the most horrific book I
have ever read, and it could have been written by Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would highly recommend this book to anyone
who is in a relationship with an abusive person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They likely suffered in a similar way as a
child.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Feeling empathy for another, however, does not mean that
they are not responsible for their behavior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It does make it easier to forgive, which is very good and healing for
us, but it does not make the abusive behavior OK.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually the person has to come to terms
with the way that they are behaving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They have to make the decision, “Am I going to heal, or am I going to insist
that there is nothing wrong with me and watch this person walk out of my life?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the choice in front of Cassandra
right now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please keep us in your prayers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Christian</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-31639298637792837102013-01-13T20:02:00.002-08:002013-01-13T20:02:42.562-08:00Decision
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Successful people analyze the information
that they have and come to decisions quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They also stick to their decisions regardless of what others say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this way they are able to remain focused
on their goals and achieve them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wouldn’t say that I have come to a
decision quickly, but I have come to a decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am going to physically step out of my
current living situation with Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In a counseling session with Cassandra on Tuesday, I am going to present
her with two options.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am at peace with
either choice she makes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One will be that she honestly look at how
her past experiences of abuse in her life have impacted our marriage and begin
to move forward in the healing process with me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would set up a separate apartment from
Cassandra in the basement of our home as we work together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would maintain a healthy separation from
Cassandra, both physically and financially.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This will provide the least disruption to our lives and to the life of
our one child who is still living at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In preparation for this, I am doing a lot of reading to increase my
understanding and empathy toward Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The memoir <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Daddy’s Girl</i> by
Charlotte Vale Allen is very disturbing, but also very enlightening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other option would be that Cassandra
maintains her current position that the way she is treating me is acceptable
and that I am the root cause of the issues in our marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this case, there will be a complete separation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We will put our house on the market and work
with a mediator to establish a legal separation agreement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me, this decision would be
permanent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pain of legal separation
would already be inflicted upon our child, and there would be no financial
motivation for me to reestablish ties with Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The investment of our house will be lost, and
the majority of our family debt will rest on my shoulders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that I will have no difficulty
recovering from this, and it will be much easier to do so without Cassandra’s
spending habits getting in the way.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am really at peace with my decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I am a traditional Catholic, I just
finished a nine day series of prayers called a novena asking that Cassandra
choose the first option.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If she does
not, I will know that I have done everything possible to help her to heal and
to heal our marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is like God
saying to me, “You’ve done a good job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now I want you to move on and teach the world what you have learned from
this experience.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is exactly what I
will do and I am looking forward to the journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If Cassandra decides to heal, she will join
me in teaching these lessons; but, either way, they will be taught.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In our counseling session we will establish
how many weeks Cassandra has to reach her decision, and how the negotiating
process will proceed from there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will
keep you posted on our progress and I am grateful for your prayers and support.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">May God be with you!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christian<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-20995116937628136272013-01-06T17:12:00.000-08:002013-01-06T17:12:40.560-08:00Becoming bigger than our problems
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The most important thing to do in overcoming any problem in
life is to simply become bigger than your problems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t like who I was becoming in my
marriage, I felt like I had lost a part of myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began to meditate and really work on me,
and I began to find myself again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also
began to find the answers that I was looking for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the reasons why I write this blog is because there is
precious little written for partners trying to figure out their dysfunctional spouses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This dysfunction could be caused by mental
illness, trauma, abuse or any combination of these.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can vary in severity and degree;
however, there are common threads in all of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am really not sure what is going on for
Cassandra. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There likely is some form of
mental illness, but I am not in a position to do a diagnosis. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that she was severely abused as a
child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This affects a person’s mental,
emotional and spiritual development.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Being aware of my own thoughts and really listening to Cassandra allows
me to see how her entire thought process is very different from my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We do become what we think about; thus, it is
no surprise that Cassandra and I are moving in very different directions in
life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I find myself asking why Cassandra thinks the way that she
does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just finished reading a very good
book which answered many of my questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What about Me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A Guide for Men Helping Female Partners Deal
with Childhood Sexual Abuse</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
author is Grant Cameron.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This book is
very enlightening, especially for men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
can see why a number of the conflicts between Cassandra and I happened through
the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, I never
understood why Cassandra was not interested in sex with me, no matter how hard
I tried to draw her attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly,
I felt hurt and frustrated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then all of
a sudden, out of the blue, Cassandra would be in the mood and I would always
respond positively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I understand why
this would happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cameron explains that
a man in such a relationship should never try to initiate sex, even in the most
romantic way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has to be initiated by
the survivor. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sex can, understandably,
be a terrifying experience for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why
didn’t anyone explain all of this to me this sooner?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can see the road of healing unfolding for Cassandra and me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have to walk this road together,
however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cassandra may not want to
heal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She may be unwilling to challenge
herself, she may be unwilling to trust, she may be unwilling to forgive me for
the mistakes I have made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can also see
myself leaving this relationship and moving forward with my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Either way, I am moving forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have become bigger than my problems, and my problems are
actually moving away from me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
fascinating and very beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you
are in a difficult marriage, you can do the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all have such an inner greatness, we are
such amazing beings, and life is so beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I hope that reading this blog helps to guide you on your journey.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">May God be with you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christian<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-27692188902380029252012-12-30T21:52:00.000-08:002012-12-30T21:52:45.182-08:00Hello Again
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It has been a long time since I have written in this
blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is good to be writing again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have experienced much growth in the last several
months, and I have realized some important things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The most important thing I realized is that, though God
brings healing, even He cannot heal someone who does not want to be
healed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been praying for years
for Cassandra to heal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has brought
me great growth, peace, enlightenment and joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It has not changed her, however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She continues to be abusive, and is unable to see the problems that her
behaviour causes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reason for this is
because she does not even have the courage to admit that she needs to be
healed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can do nothing about
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even God can do nothing about
that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Another thing that I realized is that abusive people do not
think like the rest of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is indeed
true that we become what we think about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>An abusive person, likely because of what they grew up believing, does
not understand many of the beautiful principles of life and ends up a prisoner
of their own terrifying thoughts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
do not understand, for example, that people are kind because kindness is its
own reward, that it simply feels good to be kind, and though kind acts bring
good things to us, we never know when or where those rewards will arrive, nor
do we care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realize that I have a
great deal to learn about the mind of an abuser.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I married her, I thought that Cassandra
saw the world the way that I do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I
see that this is the root of so many of our problems.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Finally, I realize that in order to follow God’s call in my
life I may have to leave Cassandra behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have told her that she needs to get help or that I will move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is really the most loving thing that I
can do, both for her and for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This may be the wake-up call she needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that I have a beautiful
and amazing future ahead of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can
even see my thesis for my Master’s Degree!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can also see tremendous success for my writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life is so beautiful!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Speaking of writing, I read an excellent book a few days
ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Emotionally Abusive Relationship </i>by Beverly Engel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She really clarifies how and why
relationships can be abusive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My only criticism
would be that she does not discuss the fact that many of us enter abusive
relationships simply because we are nice people who want to help others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One counselor explained to me that many men,
for example, will enter a relationship with a hurting woman simply because we
want to be the knight in shining armour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Little do we know the challenges that lie ahead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beyond this one flaw, Engel’s book is amazing
and I would highly recommend it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">May 2013 be a year filled with much joy, love, peace and
happiness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I look forward to sharing
many reflections with you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christian<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-30042484247614008472012-09-09T11:08:00.001-07:002012-09-09T11:08:31.663-07:00Thank you!Thank you very much for reading my blog. I am going to take a break from writing. Please take some time to read my earlier blogs. My journey with Cassandra has been, and continues to be, challenging and beautiful. I have grown so much in Faith and self knowledge. Thank you for sharing this journey with me.<br />
<br />
In saying goodbye for now, I would like to share a few tools that I have found very useful:<br />
<br />
The writings of Gary Thomas put Christian marriage into perspective, and I highly recommend checking them out. Here is a link to one of his books: <a href="http://www.garythomas.com/sacred-marriage">http://www.garythomas.com/sacred-marriage</a><br />
<br />
As I have said many times, Holosync meditation has made a huge difference in my life. Here is a link to learn more about that: <a href="https://www.centerpointe.com/?aid=373010">https://www.centerpointe.com/?aid=373010</a><br />
<br />
May God bless you on your journey! Let's pray for one another.<br />
<br />
ChristianChristian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-92189634761248858142012-09-02T04:10:00.000-07:002012-09-02T04:10:33.384-07:00Hosea<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><div align="LEFT">
I have always loved the song Hosea. As a young man, it spoke to me as the ideal of love. I never thought of being loved, I just wanted to love someone, and this song spoke to my heart as the goal to strive for. It is amazing how our thoughts become reality. This is actually a good thing, we should all strive to love our spouses the way that God loves us, but it does pose a real challenge for us as humans. Here are the words to the song:</div>
<div align="LEFT">
</div>
<div align="LEFT">
<strong>Hosea</strong></div>
</span><div align="LEFT">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span><br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><div align="LEFT">
Gregory Norbert</div>
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© 1972 The Benedictine Foundation of the State of Vermont</div>
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Come back to me with all your heart.</div>
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Don't let fear keep us apart.</div>
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Trees do bend, though straight and tall</div>
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so must we, to other's call.</div>
</span><i><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><div align="LEFT">
Long have I waited for your coming,</div>
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home to me and living, deeply our new lives.</div>
</span><br /></i><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><div align="LEFT">
The wilderness will lead you</div>
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to your heart where I will speak.</div>
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Integrity and justice,</div>
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<div align="LEFT">
With tenderness, you shall know.</div>
</span><i><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><div align="LEFT">
Long have I waited for your coming,</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT">
home to me and living, deeply our new lives.</div>
</span><br /></i><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><div align="LEFT">
You shall sleep secure with peace;</div>
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faithfulness will be your joy.</div>
</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><div align="LEFT">
<em>Long have I waited for your coming,</em></div>
<em>
</em><br />
<em>home to me and living, deeply our new lives.</em><br />
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Being married to someone with depression is much like this song. They are with us for a time, and suddenly they are gone. We say, "Come back to me with all your heart. Don't let fear keep us apart." Fear rules Cassandra's heart when she is gone.<br />
<br />
Then I notice that Cassandra physically separates from me, she goes into the wilderness, so to speak, and then comes back. She stays until she is taken over by fear again.<br />
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In the end, she finds peace and is forever faithful. We live together in joy. That is the power of love.<br />
<br />
I wish to clarify in saying that I am not perfect in love as God is perfect in love. Along with the trauma of her past, my own humanity has contributed to Cassandra's fear. One cannot forgive if one lives in fear. Cassandra needs to find peace and security before she can forgive, before she can love. Until that time comes, I continue to sing, "Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living, deeply our new lives."<br />
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<br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span>Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-12952632341377006282012-08-26T00:36:00.001-07:002012-08-26T00:36:45.397-07:00Husbands Love Your Wives
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<span class="text"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I heard a very interesting lecture this
week on the teachings of St. Catherine of Siena.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She likened a person’s spirituality to a
tree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The root of the tree, the root of
our spirituality, is self-knowledge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This really struck me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For years,
I believed what Cassandra said about me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the last few years, I have grown tremendously in self-knowledge, and
thus my spirituality has grown and blossomed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am so much happier, and so much more at peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In doing so, I can see things that I never
saw before.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="text"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At church this week, I heard the reading
from Ephesians 5, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, let’s look at that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Church has certainly not been perfect
throughout history.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many crimes were
committed in the name of God, like the crusades and the inquisitions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, Jesus forgave the Church for the
suffering it caused His children, and the Church has learned from these
mistakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Church has also distorted
the words of Christ to protect the interests of the powerful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus wants us to live abundant lives, but
for so long people were told to accept their lot in life and that their reward
would be in heaven. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="text"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I see so many parallels to this in my own
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see Cassandra doing hurtful
things and twisting my words, making them unrecognizable to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I am called to love her and be
faithful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“For better or for worse, in
sickness and in health (and that includes mental health).”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="text"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><sup><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span></sup>The reading goes on to say that, “husbands
ought to love their wives as their own bodies.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, I do love and respect my body, and I believe in my tremendous
healing capacity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I rarely get sick
because when I feel a virus coming into my system, I focus on the amazing power
of my body to heal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is how I am to
view Cassandra, with an amazing power to be well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Know what the problem is, but focus on the
solution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“All will be well.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="text"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">May God fill you with Grace and peace.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="text"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christian<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-56853015819820127342012-08-19T00:30:00.000-07:002012-08-19T00:30:14.661-07:00Looking Back
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have you ever asked yourself, “How did I get myself into this
situation?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe that it is
important to take full responsibility for where we are in life, and to
acknowledge who we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me, I know
that I am a “helper”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was raised in an
upper middle class home, and I’ve always wanted to share the blessings that I
was given with others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent a number
of years as a missionary, always trying to serve the least fortunate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a teacher, I am most effective with
students who really struggle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not
that I have a saviour complex, I just like doing that sort of thing, and I find
it really rewarding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just accept
people for who they are, and we have a wonderful time together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is not surprising that I had the same attitude when
finding a spouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cassandra was a single
mother with two young children when I met her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She was also very intelligent and extremely beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remembered learning that before a person
goes into a new relationship, they need to heal from the last one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cassandra was going through a divorce, but
hadn’t been with her first husband for quite some time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On our first date I asked her, “Have you
healed from your marriage?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She thought
for a moment and said, “Yes, I have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
have two beautiful boys from the relationship and I’m thankful for them.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What she meant was, “I’ve put things in
perspective.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I really wanted to
be in a relationship with Cassandra, I heard, “Yes, I’m healed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m ready to be in a relationship with
you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later I found out that Cassandra
had been abused as a child, and that her first husband was also abusive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should have taken a step back from the
relationship at that time, but I chose not to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That was my mistake, and I take full responsibility for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not beating myself up over it, I did the
best that I could with what I had to work with at that time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had the knowledge, but I lacked the wisdom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is said that God writes straight with crooked lines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time with Cassandra has been an amazing
journey of self-discovery, especially the last two years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, Cassandra needs to finally heal, and I
need to continue to move forward in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The solution may be for me to make a career change and work
overseas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next few months will tell
a great deal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am excited to see what
happens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life is a beautiful adventure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take responsibility, and always be thankful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christian<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-76430909723418069912012-08-12T09:15:00.003-07:002012-08-12T09:15:41.406-07:00Moving Forward<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is amazing how great life can be when
you are moving forward and trying to make the world a better place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This week I visited a Thought Field Therapy
practitioner in order to learn about using this therapy for students in my
school district.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I found was an
amazing tool that I want to share with readers of this blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The practitioner asked me to imagine a
stressful situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spoke about
tension I feel when being confronted by Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never know what I am going to be met with
when I walk through my front door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
will I be accused of?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What have I “done”
to upset Cassandra this time?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
practitioner was able to walk me through the feelings of this confrontation and
I was able to let them go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In doing so,
I realized that Cassandra has no power over me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can simply walk away from her when she acts this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also realized that, as Victor Frankl says,
“Suffering ceases to be suffering when we give meaning to it.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many of my students feel the same way
when they walk through the door of their homes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How many of my readers feel this way?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What kind of a difference am I making in their lives because I know how
they feel, and I can show them how to overcome the fear and thrive?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I also made another discovery this
week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have written many times about
how Holosync meditation has made a huge difference in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though it is not linked to any particular
spirituality, I have commented that it has deepened my Christian Faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now understand why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>According to <u>Thresholds of the Mind</u> by
Bill Harris, “You can approach this program (Holosync) from any religious point
of view without compromising your faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You can think of it merely as a way of reordering your brain to help it
accept life’s challenges and opportunities with greater equanimity and without
fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are part of a faith
community, however, you can use your faith as the center for the work you do
through Centerpointe.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(p. 10) He also
states, and this is definitely what I experienced, “participants also report a
deeper connection to the world around them, as well as a deeper connection to
the Divine, God, Higher Power, the Universe (or however you understand the
concept).” (p. 9)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We live in a beautiful and amazing world
where new tools are being developed every day to help us to deal with the
challenges we face and move forward in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When we become aware, when we are able to heal and forgive, we are able
to once again find our true selves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
are able to make positive choices and do great things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully our loved ones choose to heal,
forgive and move forward with us, but God has given us all free will and they
must choose for themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For more information on Thought Field
Therapy, go to: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><a href="http://www.rogercallahan.com/index.php"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">http://www.rogercallahan.com/index.php</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For more information on Holosync
meditation, go to: </span><a href="https://www.centerpointe.com/?aid=373010"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">https://www.centerpointe.com/?aid=373010</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">May God bless you with grace and peace on
your journey of discovery!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christian<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-14855997906983213762012-08-05T00:54:00.001-07:002012-08-05T00:54:13.213-07:00The Alchemist<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I returned home from camp this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is good to be home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I missed my family, as well as such comforts
as sleeping in the same building where the bathroom is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I was away, I noticed that Cassandra
had continued her efforts to move away from me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She converted her office into a bedroom and moved out of the master
bedroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She created a beautiful space
for herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some husbands may see that
as a bad thing, but I understand Cassandra and understand her needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She came out of an abusive home, and has
never been out of a relationship with a man for any significant length of
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has therefore never been able
to come to a point of healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of
her relationships with men, except mine, have ended badly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no problem giving her the space she
needs to grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is one of the
reasons why I was so happy when I was at camp, I knew that Cassandra needed the
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“If you love something, let it go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it returns to you it is yours, if it does
not, it never was.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This view on love is affirmed over and over in an amazing
book that I am reading right now called <u>The Alchemist</u>, by Paulo
Coelho.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The boy in the story falls in
love with a girl at a desert oasis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
is struggling with leaving her to pursue his dream and continue on his
journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She says to him, “I want you to
continue toward your goal….the dunes are changed by the wind, but the desert
never changes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is the way it will
be with our love for each other.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
also defines my love for Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
role in loving her is to continue to support her in following her dreams, in
finding herself, even if she does not realize it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><u>The Alchemist</u> is about far more than
relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is about pursuing our
purpose in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I read, I think of
my own goals, my own dreams, my own destiny, my own Personal Legend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a beautiful adventure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a way, a book like this is an oasis in the
desert of life with a loved one with mental illness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is so important and beautiful to step away
from the distorted reality of Cassandra and find Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In doing so, I can analyze my journey toward
my Personal Legend and realize that Cassandra is an important part of
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the chaos of her world, I have
found myself, just as Victor Frankl found truth and inner power in Nazi
concentration camps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is nothing in
the universe that can stop a person from moving toward his/her own Personal
Legend, except for the choices that we ourselves make. Life is a beautiful
adventure!<o:p></o:p></span></div>Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-65994683870875010172012-07-29T22:46:00.000-07:002012-07-29T22:46:03.046-07:00The Eagle<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">July 29, 2012<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have not written my blog for almost two months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still continue to write, however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Writing is so powerful and so healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cassandra’s depression returned in late
May.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life with her has again become a
great challenge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At this moment, I am away from home working in a beautiful
Christian summer camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love my work
here, and I love this place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On Friday,
after the campers went home, I took out a kayak on my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I paddled on the calm waters of a huge
lake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could see a town and cottages in
a distance, but mostly I saw the vast power of nature.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could see God’s hand at work and I could
feel the immensity of his blessing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
saw a beautiful bald eagle perched in a tree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I stopped and just watched, and I was so thankful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What blessings are showered upon me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many people in our fast paced modern
world are able to silently embrace the beauty and power of our amazing world?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have been away from Cassandra and my home for over two
weeks now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cassandra rarely wants to
talk on the phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She and our children
are in my prayers, but I do enjoy the time away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been doing this job for three
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the past, I felt restless
without my family around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I am aware
that this is part of the healing process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I embrace that fact, and I am happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I also realize that I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray for Cassandra to choose to heal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If she chooses not to, my life continues
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Children are eventually drawn to the
parent who is kind, loving and understanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t have to fight for my children, I don’t have to compete with
Cassandra for their attention, they know that I love and accept them and always
welcome the time that we are able to spend together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All will be well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few days before I left home, Cassandra was ranting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I closed my eyes and simply listened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could see Cassandra hanging from a rope in
a bombed out city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she mentioned Lourdes,
France.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she was a child, a very
kind teacher from her elementary school took Cassandra and another girl from
her class to Lourdes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could see
Cassandra walking into a clearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
was the one point in her life where she found peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lourdes is a place renowned for healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found a novena (a nine day series of
prayers) to Our Lady of Lourdes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began
praying it every night. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The day after I
completed the novena, Cassandra told me that she would like to go to a
counselor together again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are
indeed forces much more powerful than ourselves working in the universe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not sure what will come of this, but I
know that all will be well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope to be able to write again next
week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May the blessings of the Lord be
upon you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-36404249966391086462012-06-04T18:13:00.000-07:002012-06-04T18:13:37.713-07:00June 4, 2012<br />
<br />
Somehow Cassandra found out about my blog, and she has asked me to stop.<br />
<br />
My intention has always been to share my story of love and acceptance of another person, and to inspire others to do the same. <br />
<br />
I do believe that all things happen for a reason, and the reason for this recent set back will be revealed in time. As Julian of Norwich said, "All will be well".<br />
<br />
Thank you for reading and thank you for your wonderful feedback. I will resume this blog when I can. <br />
<br />
May your lives be filled with blessings and peace!<br />
<br />
ChristianChristian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-76540515344510474262012-05-27T16:59:00.001-07:002012-05-27T16:59:01.159-07:00The Power of Forgiveness<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">May 27, 2012</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came across a beautiful quote by Mahatma Gandhi this week, “The weak can never forgive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How misunderstood forgiveness is in our world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is seen by many as giving in, as letting others take advantage of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not the case at all, for those who really forgive are people of tremendous power.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN-CA">I really don’t know if I truly understood forgiveness until I read <u>Left to Tell</u> by Immacul</span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">é</span><span lang="EN-CA">e Ilibagiza.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that I have mentioned this before, but that is simply because it had such a tremendous impact on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Immaculée, a survivor of the Rwandan Genocide, was able to face the man who killed her mother and brother and who wanted to kill her, and say, “I forgive you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She thus took power over her circumstance and moved forward to be the person she was truly meant to be.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In forgiving Cassandra, I am able to let go of any hurt feelings, any resentment, any pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am really able to follow the example of Jesus on the cross when he said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cassandra really does not know what she is doing when she says hurtful things to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is her pain that is talking, it is her inability to forgive, it is her depression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has very little to do with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because she is unaware of why she is acting as she is, she really “does not know what she does.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course I forgive her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know if I can put into words the transformation that took place in me after I read Immaculée’s book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was certainly a moment of empowerment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could not control what Cassandra said or did, but I could control my response to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forgiveness released me from her pain and from her judgement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had certainly become strong.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had always believed that good was more powerful than evil, but I didn’t understand how it could be since evil caused so much pain in the world that good seemed powerless to overcome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I understood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not need to seek vengeance against Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not have to justify myself to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I simply needed to forgive, and forgiving has freed me to love more deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is almost like a parent’s attitude toward their child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We accept, we forgive, we love and we move on to the next adventure in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our children learn from the natural consequences of their actions, the experience of being loved and accepted, and grow to be the people that they are meant to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is the same when we are forgiven by God for our transgressions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if we make the same mistake over and over, we are forgiven over and over, and eventually we become the people we are meant to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As a result of forgiveness, I have seen Cassandra begin to blossom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a transformation taking place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot speak for her thoughts, I can only speak for my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I accept that things she has said and done have been hurtful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I release that hurt and I forgive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hurt is gone, and I move forward in loving myself and in loving Cassandra and our children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is true strength.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps it is why Cassandra has chosen to change for the better.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div>Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-42405678099802655632012-05-21T22:04:00.001-07:002012-05-21T22:04:22.253-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monday, May 21, 2012</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">First of all, my apologies to readers who looked for my blog yesterday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That brings me to an important realization in living with a person who struggle with mental illness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it is necessary to drop what is important to me due to the needs of my partner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose this is normal in any relationship, but it is even more so in a case like mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Certain things seem to trigger Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These include doing extra work for my job at home, sleeping when she is not sleeping, working on a computer, and being too busy to meet her needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suspect that this has to do with being rejected or ignored as a child, but I cannot say for sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is important is to know that it is part of my reality.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">That brings me to an excellent quote that I came across this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anthony Robbins states, </span></span><span lang="EN-CA" style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"Identify your problems but give your power and energy to solutions.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cassandra has her struggles with depression, anger and anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She can be very reactive and her words can be harsh and cruel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is a fact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is more important, however, is the solution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The solution in my case was to first become aware of my own goodness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus I can see clearly which difficulties in our relationship are caused by me, and which are caused by Cassandra’s struggles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This allowsme to see the truth and to come up with further solutions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These solutions may be taking time to listen, putting down what I am doing to help Cassandra, supporting her goals, putting my wants aside, taking time for myself by meditating, exercising or learning, and simply growing in awareness as to the challenges of living with a person who struggles so greatly to make sense of the world.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">These efforts are not without reward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through counselling, reading and reflection, Cassandra has begun to question her world view.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asks questions that she never would have asked before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of asking, “Why did that person speak to me so disrespectfully?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is asking, “Why am I reacting to this person this way?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did they really mean to be disrespectful, or am I reading too much into this?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is tremendous progress, and the thought of it gives me great joy.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Give power and energy to your solutions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have a wonderful week!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span lang="EN-CA"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christian</span></span></div>Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-31343450802231235002012-05-13T21:29:00.001-07:002012-05-13T21:29:04.870-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mother’s Day, 2012</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have come across some powerful quotes this week which tie in with the way I am trying to live my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of them stated:</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Resolve that every situation you encounter will make you better, stronger, wiser, more skillful, and more loving.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is ultimately what life is all about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not long ago, I came to a crossroads.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would my marriage be over?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew that I was a good person and that I was being badly treated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could have packed up and moved on; but, at what cost? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have lost my family, and that was a cost I was unwilling to pay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would also have acted against my conscience, and again, that was a cost I was unwilling to pay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided to face the situation, to be better, stronger, wiser, more skillful and more loving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I begin every day resolved to be better than I was the day before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel my life moving forward in amazing ways.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Another quote that I read stated: </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. ~Peter Drucker</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This has been my most valuable skill in dealing with Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used to listen and hear only words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Cassandra was angry, I took her words as truth because they were stated with such conviction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At some level I knew that what she said about me was not true, but I still allowed her words to penetrate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I really did only care about money, about sex, about control, etc.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What is ironic and very beautiful is that one learns to communicate better by taking time to be silent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Using meditation helped me to find the beautiful truth at my core.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This allowed me to listen better because I no longer had to defend myself from Cassandra’s angry words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew the truth about me. I realize now that what is being said tells me a great deal about Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has unresolved issues about money, about sex and about control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I listen to her, I understand her better and better.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are still times when I need to walk away from Cassandra briefly, and then get centered on the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This happened most recently when Cassandra sank into a deep depression and raged out of control day after day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also needed, and still need, to get support from friends or a counselor at times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of that is OK; in fact it is really good because it keeps me moving forward in becoming a better person, and a better listener.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Amazing things happen when we listen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cassandra lives in a great deal of confusion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Verbalizing helps her to make sense of the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The greatest blessing in recent months has been that she has begun to see a counselor herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She too is now being led on a path to understand herself better, to understand her feelings and reactions, to understand how her past affects her today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of this is very good.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To think that all of this, and so much more, could have been lost had I walked away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we face challenges with courage and persistence amazing things happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a power that moves us forward and moves us inward to discover THE amazing and beautiful TRUTH. </span></span></div>Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-72575791185267231262012-05-06T12:14:00.000-07:002012-05-06T12:18:06.547-07:00<br /><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Life is an amazing thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The key is to focus on the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The truth, however, is not always obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We live in a world of goodness, abundance and
love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems at times that we are
covered by a dark cloud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That darkness is
simply something that we must break through to find the truth on the other
side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I heard a speaker this week talk about “taking on our
giants.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was in reference to the story
of David and Goliath from the Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
appearance was that the shepherd boy David would be crushed by Goliath, the
huge and fierce warrior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth was
that David was capable of finding the giant’s weakness and defeating him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At times, Cassandra’s mental illness seems like a giant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is so irrational and her words are so
fierce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It appears that there is no
hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, I know that we live in a
world of goodness, abundance and love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know that I love Cassandra, and there is nothing more powerful than love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that with faith and persistence (which
are really the same thing), I will break through and we will again live in
peace and love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just over a month ago,
this is exactly what happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took
down a giant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cassandra’s depression
lifted as suddenly as it appeared several months earlier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The challenge now is to move forward in healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I continue to listen to Cassandra with an
open heart, and I am learning to talk about issues that need to be discussed in
a non-threatening way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am learning to
look at points of disagreement, not as Cassandra’s ideas, but as ideas that we
need to discuss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This becomes much less
threatening for Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every day I
learn and become a better person.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My marriage is indeed a blessing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I look back over the last few years and I
cannot believe how much I have learned, how much I have grown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is my constant hope and prayer that others
who read my writings will embrace their marriages, look at the truth beyond
appearances, and travel on an amazing road of self-discovery, full of goodness,
abundance and love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4637481388790328869.post-20121522139718717322012-04-29T09:08:00.001-07:002012-04-29T09:08:25.084-07:00April 29, 2012<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This week I have been listening to Earl Nightingale’s recording of “The Strangest Secret”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What he says is very similar to the words of other great thinkers, that we become what we think about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is really true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I have become aware of what I think about, and I have made conscious choices of what I think about, I have been a much more peaceful person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being aware of and taking ownership of our thoughts is really the key to happiness and success.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I look back on my life thus far, I can see that up until the time that I met Cassandra, I was on the search for Truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read the right books, talked to good people, set solid goals, achieved them and I was moving forward in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also had the goal of meeting an amazingly beautiful woman, bringing joy into her life and having a family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did that too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There were two things that sent me off track, however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One was that I trusted others too much to tell me what was right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A spiritual director long ago told me that humility does not mean putting ourselves down, humility means accepting the truth about ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I am really good at something, be thankful for that and do it with joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I know the right thing to do, I do it with confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus, by putting the opinions of others above my own inner wisdom, I was allowing myself to make mistakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This became a serious problem when I met Cassandra.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because of her abuse and her struggles with mental illness, especially depression, her thoughts are quite confused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I allowed them to become my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believed the things she said about me, like that I was selfish, I only cared about money, I cared about my work more than I cared about my family, I did not respect her or her opinions, I could not control my anger, and the list goes on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was only when I began to meditate regularly that I again became aware of my own thoughts and feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a beautiful revelation that was!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bill Harris, the founder of Centerpointe Research (the makers of Holosync meditation materials), says that it is all about awareness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How right he is!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now that I am aware of my own thoughts, I choose positive thoughts about success and thankfulness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I listen to Cassandra, I can distinguish her thoughts from my own, and this allows me to be a much better listener.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is exactly what I am talking about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cassandra’s words tell me what is going on in her mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has very little, if anything, to do with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is how one can live with a person with an abusive personality and not be abused, not become a victim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then we can look at that person spewing those angry words and say in our hearts, “Wow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are really hurting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May God bless you and give you peace.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My God bless you as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for sharing my story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My prayer is that it fills you with strength, hope and joy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christian</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div>Christian Gottliebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01141043046464474037noreply@blogger.com0